Halloween: ¼

On the last Friday of October, Hannah and I went for a long walk through Red Hook. The leaves were crisp under our feet, and the wild cherries were covered in dew. We ate apple raspberry pie with whipped cream at the pie shop – one of the girls who works there is beautiful. On Saturday, my housemates threw a Halloween party --I saw half of “The Happening” while most of their guests played some board game. 

One night instead of working I listened to Eloosha read and ramble on his radio show.

Three nights ago I had a dream in which ten of my teeth fell out, and carried them around worried they would get lost – though many people have that dream. That wasn’t the central point. What had happened was a man had returned to my town and it was causing me to remember that, around age 11 or 12, I had assisted him in establishing a pattern of behavior in a boy age 15 or so. This helped the man to lure and murder the boy, and then I assisted him in covering it up. Now 21, with the man hanging around town again, the repressed memories were coming back up. I was trying to figure out what had really happened then, and how to tell the police. At first I thought perhaps it doesn’t matter, but then I realized that, while it wouldn’t change that the boy was dead, it would bring closure to the family, since they still didn’t know anything so many years later. I was worried about being arrested as an accomplice, and also very confused about how, even though I had been only 12, I had allowed myself to do anything that would lead to someone being in pain and death. And furthermore, the man was hanging around me (while my teeth were falling out) and I didn’t want him to know what I was thinking, fearing that he would kill me as well.

apple butter

I went home on the 11th for October break and went to the ICA museum. The rest of the time I studied for my Cognitive Psychology exam. Studying for psychology exams always feels (for lack of a better word) very 'meta'. For example: attending to information on attention. or trying to memorize details on memory. or being anxious about an exam on anxiety.


Friday the second time I woke up it was 6:30. I got up, burnt an egg for breakfast, and went to wait for the bus, so I could take the train, so I could take the subway, so I could go to CCNY by 11:30 and discuss the logistics and outline of my senior project, which is going to be an offshoot of my summer internship. When I got back to Bard it was 7:30 and the moon was full.

I also went to a small concert with Hannah
Frank Corliss, piano, and Marka Gustavsson, viola, will perform works for viola and piano including Hall Overton's Sonata (1959), Nino Rota's Intermezzo, Christopher Theofanidis Flow, My Tears (1997), and Sonata (1922) by Arnold Bax

on a side note, I figured out how to jar apple butter this month.

good excuses

October Break was dearly needed (we had the 8th and 9th, so I had  a five day weekend, since I don't have class on Friday's).

I went home and saw my family. The day before I left we went apple picking along with Inka&co.
They gave us these sticks to get the apples, but we made a team: she climbed up the tree, I caught the apples she threw down. This photo was taken after we had collected a bag and caught up with our brothers.

 

When I came up for a weekend last time Shimon had overheard me say that I had a good excuse to come. He later told me he wanted me to have more good excuses. This break he spent most of his time trying to situate himself in my lap, but he doesn't quite fit like he used to.

I also went to Yulka's apartment in Boston. It's in a nice area walking distance to Newbury St (and also Emerson) so of course there it's four people living in two tiny rooms. They call it their shoebox. It's a pretty accurate description. We danced in the apartment before going to a party somewhere. The night ended with me yelling on the phone at some guy I don't know, and I wish I could have done more than yelled. The next day we had tea for breakfast and then made lunch. Somehow between all of this I also read half of "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", adding to my list of books I have read half of. We walked to Newbury and sat at L'Aroma cafe and eaves dropped on a conversation and decided that the couple was not on a date but friends. 

Höfe und Straße und Eis

I realized yesterday that my dress also tore when I jumped over the gate, but not significantly.  The name of the pub we went to at the end of the Deutschkurs Module I is Kindl Stuben. The name of the second hand store I went to is Kleidermarkt Garage, in Schöneberg. 

Part 2

A week ago I went for a walk and ended up going through a bunch of courtyards, including a network of eight courtyards called Hackesche Höfe, which are really cool but I also got slightly lost because I didn’t realize there were eight or even more than two until I was well into the depths of chic café’s and edgy shops. 

I came back and Katrin offered to show me Prenzlauer Berg, so of course we went. I had already walked around there before, but a) I didn’t really know how Berlin was broken up then and b) I didn’t see that much of it. She showed me the Maur Park Memorial and we walked along the street. We walked for a long time, past the ("a church the name of which I will write in later") which had resisted the Nazi’s really early on, and down the pretty streets but the sun was beating down hard. She headed back to The Convent and I went in the direction of the Deutsche Guggenheim Museum, which is free on Mondays. Trying to not wolf down my overpriced soup-to-go I knew that I wanted to go to the museum but didn’t know if I had the energy for it. When I walked in I looked at the found objects, the simple collages of photos of found objects (100 or so sea washed bottles from NYC and Mexico, transitioning from one color to another, slowly.) It was so soothing. All the people milling around and the heat didn’t bother me then. It was probably the only museum that was perfect for me at that moment.

 

After that I decided to get ice-cream. I was thirsty but I had wanted ice-cream for probably about a month, and I was about to leave. I had bought myself some when I went to Spreewald, but it was a really bad pre-made cone. So I got myself a fruit froyo cup (apples and plums and strawberries and...) cafe that consists of a standard American school-bus, with sand an umbrellas and chairs in front. I felt obligated to get it there because I had been walking past it every single day. Half way through I didn’t think I could finish it. But then I did. 

Elderberry Syrup

So, I looked up how to get to the Maur Park flea market and how to say "Die Kaffeemühle kostet wie viel?" and made sure I have everything and stepped outside and realized it wasn't Sunday.

Yesterday we had a trip to Potsdam with the program (which is why I thought it was Sunday)
It was very pretty (all was nice except for the sweltering heat) and I didn't follow around the tour guide because even if I try I can't really understand what he is saying. Also when I do understand, it's nothing interesting. So I walked around with the Spanish-speaking girls (three from my A1 class, most of them from Mexico) and afterwards got food with Lucy (Shanghai, Oxford) and Marcel (Hungry, high-school.)




One of the people I'm renting from (Tilman) had orders local food, and each time it's a surprise what he will get (I don't know how often, Tuesday was the first time) it included some sort of giant German spinach (not sure what it is called) fresh milk, apples and onions. He made a quiche with the spinach-like-leaves, and salad with giant caper berries and there was also homemade elderberry syrup with sparkling water, which smelled and tasted amazing. (He invited me and one of his peers)


Wednesday  (Laura Rosie Lin Lucy Ben and I) crashed a screening of "Good-Bye Lenin" which I haven't seen in years. I honestly think it might be part of the reason I wanted to come here. By crashed I mean that there is a large group of kids from the University of Alabama who have additional context/history courses. Which on one hand is great, on the other hand based on some of the things one of the guys said, he is still not getting it, so detached from the reality of history, making war jokes ("I was being sarcastic" me in my head "it's still not funny") and oversimplifying the movie to the statement of "his life is all sorts of whack".
And then it was Lin's birthday so I finally got to the apartments in which most of the students in the program live, by Tierpark. Had dinner with Rosie and Laura and Danel (an Alabama girl who...is hard to shake off, especially with her habit of inviting herself along) and then we brought a cake over to another room (we actually ended up celebrating in an apartment in which none of the present party lived)

Thursday we went to the Neue Nationalgalerie after classes, but it was also organized by the program. I gave my camera to Hannah and wandered around by myself, and wrote down a bunch of names of artists to look up. Hannah had way too much fun with the camera.

So yes, today I was about to wander off on my own but I guess I'll do work instead, until evening, I do have plans for then (don't worry Mama, I'm not being a hermit) --((she seems to be worried that I'm a hermit))

CranAppleSauce

Note Osya left yesterday. He's trying to convince us that he's responsible enough for a kitten. By 'us' I mainly mean Папа. The night before he said no, because he had asked Osya to replace the trash bag and Osya hadn't, so now he's trying to prove otherwise.

(the note reads: I'm more responsible. Cleaned table took dishes out and put dishes in under 35 min. Didn't miss bus. More to come.)

clearly

a) written in a half-asleep state <3

b) More to come is almost a threat.

~

Sima's been playing angry birds with his stuffed animal angry bird, which consists of him throwing it at me, me not doing anything, him making a blowing-up noise and then telling me weather or not I'm dead (depending on how close the bird got to me.)

~

Mama calls me: did you pick up Sima (aka did I come up when the bus came)

Me: yes

Mama: there's a chicken in the fridge. you can do what you want with it

Me:...

Mama: with the exception of doing nothing. you can't do that.

                 so she outclevered me

~

 Yesterday was the first night of Hannukah, so I made apple sauce. I added a tiny bit of sugar because of the cranberries and granny smith apples used.

1) peel and chop the apples.

2) put about half an inch of water in a pot. put the apples and whatever else in as well (i.e. cranberries.) the initial water is just in there so the apples don't burn until they get warm enough to seep out their own juices. mmm, gory.

3) let them cook on high until they get mushed enough, then put them on low. closer to the end, add the spices and sugar.

apples are mostly water, so I strained my apple sauce (before I put the spices in, after I put the sugar in) and ended up with pink cider.

Yum.

 We went over to Innka's+

(latkis and fried dough and the whole thing)

very satisfied, especially compared to last year when I spent Hanukkah at Botstein's house.

We Dressed Up

Me as a Weird Sister (male band, played at the Yule Ball. Lots of eyeliner, even across the nose and lips, fake leather pants. They are described as hairy but..em...)
-

Simona as Belatrix (sexy, insane, and bloodlustful, with the darkmark on her arm in eyeliner. fishnets. When walking to the Harvard theater, some guys sitting on a bench were like...hello pretty ladies. I think it's because of her)
 -

Yulka as Umbridge (hehEE, trying to get up to power and twisted.Yulka doesn't look anything like a pig, even in pink. Simona and her commented on people who weren't dressed up as filthy muggles)
-

Veta as Luna Lovegood (We helped her make glasses that look like this, and she had a cork necklace and Ravenclaw colored tie)
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Valya as Proffessor Trelawney (like...gypsy hippie, lots of jewelry, long skirt, and holding an apple as a fortune telling ball)

-

Valya got froyo, the rest of us got bubble tea while we waited in line for a while, but it didn't seem too long, and we sat inside and it was hot there too, but the movie was really funny and cheesy and lots of special effect and just ridiculous. Do we really need Harry and Ron to be changing while the camera flies around to get all angles? Really? the entire hall was laughing because it was so unnecessary. And, as usual, half (well, I guess a forth, in this case) of the book is missing, but nobody really expects otherwise, I don't think. 

scabior looks like tim minchin, mostly just the hair and eye makeup, but still.

The good of the bad.

High Fidelity with Will on Thursday, finally. took forever. my fault.

Friday:
Psych-we had a different teacher because ours was at some neuro conference. fancy. She showed us two vids (how to be happy and why are we happy). I fail, a little...

Then there was a belated celebration of lights (Devali) because of issues reserving Manor for it. It was interesting because there were people celebrating it from all over (Adrinne Jack and I were convinced to go by our dorm-mates from Nepal, Suyog and Abeshek). But one of the girls giving the presentation was from Sri Lanka, so her version of the holiday/how long it lasted/what was done/why it is celebrated was different. It covers three religions (Hinduism, Jainism and Sikhism), so the variety is unsurprising, I guess? But I didn't know at all. Also-Indian food. mmm.
Hannah and Rosette went to an acoustic folk jam which they enjoyed.
(idk how I feel about folk)

Today I went to Montgomery Place with Will since it was warm. It always feels like it is the last day of warmth, since it should have stopped being warm by now, the sun sets so early. We found edible crab apples. The herb garden from last time is ripped up, which meant that the greenhouse behind it was noticeable, with all its weird cacti and flowering plants. Also got to go on the other side of the fence of another garden there. I thought that there was no gate to the garden, but part of the fence swings open and there was an apple orchard. There are so many rotting apples there, but we found a few edible ones,
What a waste.
It also explains why it smelled so strongly of apples last time.

almost done with the Inferno (read 18-33 today) which leaves one canto to go, but it isn't due next class. It doesn't say when it's due on the syllabus...the mystery of the missing canto. Looked at the course list for classes today too... No hot water today in the dorm or the adjoining one. Not pleasant to shower in. A lot of people skipped showering/went to another dorm.

and I want fruit that isn't mealy apples or strangely unappealing bananas from Klien. We had Hannah's last grapefruit today.

Friday of my hell week.

Friday I had my last exam. I really didn't want my Friday just to be an exam. I took a nap for an hour, ate, and then went with Margaret and Hannah to Montgomery Place.
We ate an apple between the three of us, it was so sweet. (St. Augustine, you stole pears incorrectly, which is why you felt bad later. You take one and savor it and it is splendid).
We smelled the roses and picked sage inside a little garden. We admired a frog in a pond in another little notch in the estate. Then we came out to the sprawl of landscape that flowed into the Hudson and watched the sun creep behind the Catskills. We held colorful leaves to the sun and looked at the light streaming through.

We took a different way back than the way we had gone. After going up and down the river that ended in a lake and started in a waterfall trying to find a place to dryly walk hop across, we took off our shoes and socks and waded through. The first five seconds it was cold and then we couldn't feel our feet and it was fine.
Once we were back at the dorm we kept going on the intertia of our initial craziness. We ran to the Green Onion (Bards food store) and got some potatoes and tomatoes and eggs. We took apples and milk and bread from Klien and then made soup (potatoes, tomatoes, bullion cubes, caramelized onion in olive oil, yellow split peas) and a weird stirfry (egg, garlic, salt, white rice) and ate it with bread and cheddar cheese. We were so full. And chai-tea with milk and sugar.
yes. so satisfying.
Then we watched The Boondock Saints. Lots of guns and Irish accents and badassness. Pretty funny, but Hannah didn't like the violence, I would tell her when the bloody parts were over and she could watch it again. Margaret had seen it before and I had seen the sequel which just referenced the first one and thus I had understood nothing.

and That was the Friday of my hell week.

dream? I had a dream in which I recounted to Yulka a dream I had had the night before, in which people with magic powers were trying to kill me. it was scary. I remember a field and wire and a cave and a vague Harry Potter reference.

Last weekend I...

Went apple picking with Audrey (mentor) and Margaret and Hannah. The rest of the dorm was either asleep or working, it was 12 in the afternoon. Then Rosette came down and helped caramelize and candy the apples.
(photo: Margaret)

In the evening Rosette made pasta and zucchini Parmesan. I haven't seen so many of us in the dorm together at once.
And then she made pie. Basically she went cooking crazy. :)

Sunday night (technically Monday morning) Hannah and I procrastinated from doing hw by reading poetry. Then we wrote one by passing the computer back and forth.

Spinning and Spinning
(or A New Discourse on the Poetics of Procrastination)

The day relapses into evening and now she says
how come I’m not asleep? my brain is absolutely asleep.
Absolutely. And curled up, cold, under a pale moon, sailing
to a faraway land, like Max from “Where the Wild Things Are,”
away and away. She sighs and wishes
that she was a small child and it was appropriate to not
feel obliged to sit up for late-night wrangling, to worry about,
in the back of her head, the constant worry worry about about
Gertrude Stein and irony and semantics.
because there is too much sarcasm and not enough sincerity and that’s what
she said. That’s WHAT SHE SAID!!!

She said that she didn’t, and then she started hypothesizing that.
Oh, that hypothesis. Yes. She tangled herself in
the sweetness of familiar self-annoyance and music,
constant, irritable music of constant, irritable uncertainties—
uncertainties about will be and what is even,
so much so that her thoughts were like small strange birds perched
on an exposed electric wire.
Easily scattered, they were,
more easily shocked up into the air and falling down like
warm and fluffy snowflakes. No—suspended
and drifting like pale stars, they were.
And it’s just she, but actually me.
not here, because of its uselessness and long pointless words.

Someone told her, finally, said, Just wait—
wait for it, because at some point
it’s all going to start spinning.

having people see poems is always embarrassing, but I'll live :)

Wake up in the evenin' feeling like P-Diddy...

I hear an alarm go off. It's maybe like...9pm.
I go into Jeff's and Jack's room.
Jack is staring at Jeff.
Jeff is asleep.
I come up to Jeff and shove him in the side.
He wakes up and shuts off his alarm.
Ten minutes later I come in to their room and Jeff is asleep.
I ask Jack if I should wake him up. He says Jeff said not to wake him up. I leave.
Two hours later Rosette wakes Jeff up. He
doesn't remember telling Jack not to wake him up. I think Jeff is just always asleep. Forever and
ever asleep.

The picture is of dinner. Hannah, Margaret and I are very tired of Klien (dining commons). Actually, everybody is very tired of Klien. It's not always bad. But today I ended up having a little bit of pasta, soy milk and a banana for lunch. That's not lunch. But everything else was disgusting. The omelet we made had tomatoes, parmesan, pepper from the community garden, salt, milk and black pepper. Rice I bought awhile ago, thankfully it still exists. We also had a salad of pepper/tomato and Greek yogurt. And then we fried apples we had picked with brown sugar and butter. Dollop of sour-cream on top and mmmmm .