Second Symphony

I’ve been doing ‘movie screenings’ in my room; we drink tea and eat chocolate and watch movies. I started two weeks before spring break.

So far we have watched:

1. The Crying Game
2. En Kongelig Affære (A Royal Affair, Danish)
3. Les Enfants du Paradis (Children of Paradise, French) – Garance! Eloosha, you were right, this movie is amazing.
4. Beginners
5. The Big Labowski – Over lunch, I told Kelsey that I keep seeing boys walking in twos, confiding in each other in their girl problems. “it’s spring” she said. She did yoga on my dorm that night, and tried to read Plato’s Ions out loud while I cleaned my room but we got sidetracked by synesthesia and Spanish poetry.
   At lunch the next day, Dean and I met a graduate student who works for a non-profit specializing in doomsday prevention. From Blithewood I could watch rain fall over the Catskills, and clouds streamed with tails overhead; rivets flowing into each other made me know that I was breathing underwater, looking up towards where the liquid meets the air.
6. An Education--Tonight I sang Mahler’s Second Symphony, yesterday we did too. Hannah came the first time and liked it so much she tried to come again. I missed the last TBL episode of the season but here are last episodes recording and photos. Today I made my first U.S. alcohol purchase (wine and rum for sangria). The lady gave me a tootsie roll pop; they keep them for people who just had their 21st birthday. The man in line behind me stank of drink. 

   

   Mama sent me roses and other gifts in the mail

   
   
   

 

Marathon

Boston--

1. Minutes after it happened I got a text form a friend in California (also from the Boston area) asking if everyone was alright. I had no idea what had happened, but called my parents immediately. I remember doing this as if I was outside my body, and the weather was nice.
2. I’m from the area. The towns in the newspapers were ones where I had been many times. But I wasn’t there; I was in the same position as everyone else at Bard. My family was safe but otherwise nothing had sunk in, I was eating dinner with Shinno. Fifteen minutes.
3. Before anyone had been identified, my friend in Moscow was trying to figure out what was going on: I don’t know man, I just have conspiracy theories. Boston is a symbol of history, resilience, progress. It’s Tax day. It’s Patriots day. The Marathon is endurance, hard work, family, community, tradition. People on the internet say its Muslim extremists, but whoever did it had to know area well, so it seems unlikely that they are foreign.
4. Knowing people. Those watching the race. Another Bard friend’s mother is a nurse, so she was up there. 
5. Not really giving a damn about motivations, because why should I give them the satisfaction of getting their message across? 
6. I speak Russian. So pretty soon after I found out; Oh, this person I know had leased their first car from the family of (now) terrorist. And another one, who I’ve met, had the father as his auto mechanic. And then by the time I found out about my friend knowing one of them on a more personal level it was just like “of course my Russian stoner friend met another Russian-speaking stoner at the UMass Boston orientation”.
7. And that part made me so proud: so many injuries but somehow the medical system worked so well. Everything was so coordinated and fucking worked.
8. And then someone we know was going to work (from Newton to Watertown, I think). But everything was in lock-down so the police stopped her. “Where are you going” “work” “what work, everything is in lock-down…what accent is that?” “Russian” and then they practically followed her home.
9. The news. How which news sources spun the information or non-information. Miranda rights, terrorism, torture, how many people are killed in Iraq in a day? And everyone suddenly becoming experts on Chechnya. The some paranoid thought in my head of "I'm lucky Russians are Caucasian and Asian, and so we aren't as easily profiled". The photographs of Boston as a ghost town.
10. And now I just got a letter from my friend at MIT “It’s been such an absolutely crazy week…The police officer who died got shot about 100 yards away from East Campus, and we first heard just because someone was passing that way and saw forty police cars. So they got on the radio (a lot of people here have ham radios that can catch police frequencies) and started listening” and how people even the day after where just…living. Life. “and it’s surreal because sometimes you can hear gunshots and they’re bringing in, like, a hostage negotiator and you just realize – this is not a movie”

21

 Перевод под автопортретом.

1. I turned 21. I can now buy myself a drink in the U.S.A. I can now write about drinking in the U.S.A. without any paranoia – though I could always drink if my parents gave it to me in Massachusetts and a few other states. In other states, i.e. Vermont, even that was illegal. These laws. Places where I still can’t drink: parts of India, Libya, Sudan, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. In Brunei I can drink (because I’m not Muslim), but only in private. They don’t sell alcohol there but I can bring small quantities into the country once every 48 hours.
2. Friday I was in Anastasia’s senior concert “a trip around the world”. There were Greek songs and tangoes, and I sang in “mohnatij shmel'”, “ti g menya obmanula” (Ukranian), and “toj ne vecher” with three other girls from the U.S., a boy from Kazakhstan, and a boy from Ukraine. Outside there was rain and thunder. I went over to Hannah’s and we drank purple wine out of Chinese tea bowls and read poetry in German. I missed the shuttle back and walked barefoot to my dorm, worms coiled underneath the hot soles of my feet. 
3. Saturday morning Bianca and I went to some international/local event in Red Hook. After that I went to NYC, on the bus I met a boy planning on coming to Bard. I stayed the night at Kostya’s, we were up late singing and talking and the next morning I went to look at an apartment and briefly met up with Cat (she’s taking a ‘semester abroad’ at BGIA). While I was waiting for her a Hasidic Jew came up to me, said “Hello, how are you” and then walked off, which surprised me considerably more than the whispering about my legs I had gotten the rest of the day.
4. On the train back I hung out with Yasi and Dennis. On the topic of part 1 and how silly these laws are: Yasi showed us what she used to use as a fake i.d. when going to the Black Swan: a scan of her Iranian passport with “1992” changed to “1990”. No wonder that place got shut down.
5. Back at Bard we celebrated Kelsey’s birthday with hookah on the manor steps; moon above and party poppers occasionally exploding.
   
   
   
   
    

   

   not my best painting but it's of me and it's my birthday

   
   
   
   
   1. Мне исполнилось 21. Я теперь в США могу купить себе алкогольный напиток. И, соответственно, писать про это без паранойи – хотя я всегда могла легально пить если мои родители давали в Массачусетсе, и еще некоторых штатах. В других штатах н.п. в Вермонте, все ровно не легально было. Такие правила... Я все ровно не могу пить: в некоторых местах в Индии, Ливии, Судане, Афганистане, Бангладеше, Кувейте и Саудовской Аравии. В Брунее я могу выпить (потому что я не мусульманка), но только в частном помещении. Они не продают алкоголь, но там я могу завезти в страну небольших количествах, раз в 48 часов.
   2. В пятницу я участвовала в Настином концерте «Поездка вокруг Мира». Там были греческие песни и танго, а я пела «мохнатый шмель» «ти ж мене підманула» и «ой то не вечер» - пели еще три девочки из США, мальчик из Казахстана, и мальчик из Украины. На улицы шел дождь и гремел гром. Я пошла к Ханнe; мы пили фиолетовое вино из китайских пиал, читали стихи по немецки. Я пропустила автобус, и пошла босиком обратно в общагу; черви извивались под горячими моими пятками. 
   3. В субботу утром я пошла с Бианкой на что-то интернациональное и локальноеэ. После этого я поехала в Нью Йорк, на автобусе поговорила с мальчиком который собирается в Бард. Переночивала у Кости, мы допоздна пели песни и разговаривали. Утром я пошла смотреть квартиру и встретилась ненадолго с Кат (она сейчас на семестр уехала в город). Пока я ее ждала, ко мне подошел хасидский еврей, сказал здравствуйте, и ушел; это пожалуй меня больше удивило, чем то что мне остальное время мужчины шептали про ноги.
   4.  Поехала домой на поезд с Йоси и Денисом. А! На первую тему: Йоси сказала мне что она чтобы попасть в бар Черный Лебедь использовала скан своего Иранского паспорта, где поменяла цифру «1992» на «1990» - впрочем, не удивительно что Черный Лебедь закрыли.
   5. Когда приехала пошла отмечать день рождения Кельси. Курили на улицы кальян, смотрели на луну и взрывали хлопушки.

S is for

Сегодня перевода нет.

Sunday- Chamber singers performed Sucut locustus est and Suscepit Israel for dedication of the (now) Bito Hall in the new conservatory building.

At first I thought that “oh, singing for some rich guy who gave us money, at least we have a new building”. We did have to listen to a few pandering talks. And we do need the money; though (or because) we have a great academic and arts programs, not too many students go off to make money, and since it’s a non-profit, a lot (though not enough) goes to scholarships. Simply: we have no endowment.

But the guy who donated is László Z. Bitó, who came to the U.S. from Hungry as a refugee. First he was in the camp in Cleveland, but then he went to Bard for a English-learning program. Of the people there, two received scholarships to go to Bard College. He came and studied biology, in part because his English was still not strong enough to pursue a literature degree. After that he went to Columbia and has since then he has developed a medical cure for glaucoma and written a few successful books. Though watching people pander is still uncomfortable, at least he’s respectable to begin with.

This evening I went to a performance of The Bakkhai (or The Bacchae) as performed, translated and staged by Bard students. The initially set was this giant sheet of semi-transparent plastic, like a taut curtain. From behind it, you can see someone moving. With a knife, he cuts a straight opening in the sheet. The lights go out and for a moment nothing is to be seen. Then, you see him, torso through the plastic sheeting, lighter flickering in his hands, and a wild sexual gaze on his face. He is Dionysus.

When the scenes come that are not in Thebes but in the woods, the sheet drops, and a giant cloud of fog roles off the stage and you see that the stage is covered in a giant hill of dirt, and a fir tree is suspended upside down from the ceiling. Yes. The set design, some stage moments, costumes, lighting (and use of strobe lights) and music were all quite great.

Saturday- Farm Fest was Bard bands playing outside throughout the day. In the evening I went to a production of The Vagina Monologues. My neighbor directed it, and a few girls I know performed. Then: Hannah’s leek soup, stuffy Surrealist Circus show, and the cast party.

Sentimental- Friday I went to TBL and read a poem and took photos (I'll post links later when it's online). We smoked chocolaty hookah and drake tea and I fell asleep that night with a sadness in me. Some of my friends are finishing college this year- Did we have enough time? Of the people I hung out with last year- One went back home to Tibet. One moved to Jersey City and we still keep in touch. One went home to India. One moved from Florida to India. Britt never came back to start senior year.

blood and flour

русский внизу
Me, walking away after talking to Shinno;
Arianna: can I ask you a kinda awkward question?
Me: okay?
Arianna: was that just a drug purchase I observed?
Me: no, it was a fist bump.

Spring! The geese are flying to us, the spring peepers are shrill, crocuses are blooming and students are coming out from their dark rooms to lie on the grass. I even had two classes outside this week.

Sunday I went to Blithewood. Penny and Kalena were celebrating their 22nd birthday (scones, shortbread, lemon curd, clotted cream, iced tea…) Yesterday I had dinner at Jack’s co-op. Dinner conversation touched on two former residents that were on a raw-food diet. They said that there is nothing like the buzz you get from drinking cow’s blood. But cow’s blood doesn’t have any fiber, so I guess you would have to eat coconut flour along with it. One boy was at the last of the weed he had grown last year, another was a  very proud 6’7’’ half Dutch guy, the third man is a chef at Mercota’s, and a girl who was upset that Mexico had changed time zones because she has some boy in Mexico. There were two more people I didn’t meet: a regular Bard student, and a man who, 30 years later, is finally finishing his degree. The chef had a friend over. "Have you ever noticed how whenever there is a really attractive girl, there's like a cloud of men around her" he said to the chef as he poured beer into wine glasses.



 --

Весна! Гуси к нам летят, лягушки квакают, крокусы цветут и студенты вылезают из своих темных комнат на травке положит. У меня на этой недели даже два урока повадили на улицы.

В воскресенье я пошла в Blithwood; Пенни и Калина отмечали 22рой год. Вчера я была у Джака в кооперативе где он живет. Разговоры за обеденном столом (с другими людьми в доме) были о том что тут раньше жила парочка которая была на 'сырой диете', и они говорили что пит кровь коров сногсшибательно. Но в крови нету клетчатки, так-что надо наверно к этому кокосовою муку. Один мальчик вырастил свою анашу, другой на половину голландец и очень горд своим ростом, третий повар в хорошим ресторане, и девочка которая расстраивалась что в Мексике время сменилось, и она не смогла поговорит с мальчиком там. Тут живет еще один студент, и мужчина, который 30 спустя заканчивает свой диплом.

umbrella

 русский внизу.

The first day I came back at Bard, Shinno and I went to a Tastebudds, and then to a store where they sell the old stuff ... not really an antique store, but also not a thrift shop (on the way to Hannaford’s, most of the stuff is outside). He bought an umbrella with holes and a wooden handle in the shape of a dog's head. He said he had dreamt of it.

Over spring break, Yosef brought up coconut cake; the fact that I’ve made it, and the fact that he wants it. I think I’ve only made it once a few years ago, but right now, listening to an album by a band I have never listened to before (The Devil’s Walk, Apparat)… I remembered that he is so bony it hurts when he sits on me. That when he hugs me my arms are above his but that he is growing and so this will change. That we still have to watch Argo and that he wants us to make coconut cake.

This Thursday, looking for an apartment to rent in Red Hook for next year, I caught myself saying “my parent’s house” to the (potential) landlord. I don’t have a room there, the things I don’t bring with me (books, camping cloths, bits of paper I have horded, paintings and letters) are kept partially in my brother’s room, partially in plastic bins in the basement. There is no certainty in that I will move out after I graduate (the economy, the new generation of twenty-something’s living with their parents) but right now I will not entertain the thought of the possibility of such stagnant prospects. Today I woke up at 6:30, two hours later I called two more realtors.

Last Friday Hannah and I went to a concert – mostly poems set to music, with faculty and students from Bard and the Longy School of Music which Bard recently…acquired? They started with period music; oboes have changed so much.

 (Rufus Muller – tenor, Stephen Hammer – oboe, Libor Dudas – harpsichord organ piano, Stanley Moore – violoncello).

                Saturday there was a glorious bonfire.

В первый день как я вернулась в Бард мы с Шинно пошли в кафе, а потом в магазин где продают старое барахло...не то-что все антикварное но одежду там тоже не продают. Он купил зонтик с дырками и деревянной ручкой в форме собачей головы. Сказал что он ему приснился.

В весенние каникулы, Ося упомянул кокосового торт – и то что я его умею печь, и то что он его хочет. Я кажется его испекла только один раз, и то несколько лет назад, но сейчас, слушая альбом группы который я никогда не слушала... Я вспомнил, что он такой худой что больно, когда он сидит на мне. Что, когда он мы обнимаемся, мои руки сверху его рук, но что он растет и это изменится. То, что мы все все еще не посмотрели Argo и что он хочет чтобы мы испекли кокосового торт.   

Я ищу квартиру на следующий год, и когда я разговаривала с владельцем дома, сказала "дом моих родителей". У них у меня нет комнаты. То что я не привезла с собой (книги, одежду для похода, записки, картины и письма) хранятся частично в комнате моего брата, и частично в пластиковых коробках в подвале . У меня нету уверенности в том, что когда я закончу колледж я смогу переехать (экономика, новое поколение двадцатилетних людей живущих с родителями), но прямо сейчас я не буду думать об этом. Сегодня я проснулся в 6:30, через два часа я позвонила еще двум риелторам.

В пятницу я с Ханной сходила на музыкальный концерт. В субботу кто-то устроил распрекрасный костер.