into the fold

I tried to eat every morsel of remembrance on my trip back to Annandale, it was hot and on the ride there Donnie manned the music, and Charlotte manned the wheel, and Elyse and I sat in the back awaiting our fates. "McDonalds bought a nearly complete T-rex skeleton for a museum in exchange for it's own wing. How do you guys feel about this?" Charlotte asked.

We arrived on campus and went to explore the changes. There is a new baseball field, cut out of the woods where many a person had peed on those fresh-aired Smog-filled nights. There was a bench we found by the campus center, bright blue and fresh. The ropes on the swing had been changed, and on North Campus there was a barn that had only been in the minds eye last year. We went to the burrito stand and feasted (some things are reliably good), the smoky hot sauce and cool root beer went down my glutenous throat.



Glutenous for all I had missed: hours pouring over books, long walks and conversations, screaming from the community garden to hear my anger echo against the dorms and back to me, and the beautiful ephemeral bloom of magnolia blossoms each year. So much had not changed, but I am no longer there, it is no longer mine, and I am no longer part of the Hudson Valley landscape.

After lunch, my road-trip companions dropped me off at Sorrel's house, same one she had lived in last year, and Will and Hannah (back from France just last week) were there to greet me. There is so much more responsibility as a graduating person (I had forgotten). The balancing of visitors, and family, and friends graduating with you, and looking for advice from favorite professors!

So Will skipped off and Hannah and I made dinner while the night set in, Sorrel still tending to all her other responsibilities. Hannah and I sat by the window talking about the feeling of religious devotion without religion, depression and who you surround yourself with, solitude and lonesomeness. Nina asked what rituals we do in place of those religious ones so many have. Hours passed.

When Sorrel did come, we huddled on her bed, avoiding the crowded tent party in favor of the company of two. The shunting of conversations deeper than a kiddie pool that happens in the real world did not happen here, and depth of warmth to match. The effervescent eager conversation. Here: here is my heart and mind now, know how I have changed and how I love you.

The next morning Will, Hannah and I went to the Tivoli Bakery. Cranberry-corn muffin, cinnamon bun, sandwich, coffee. We sat in the grass with Will's friends.  Then we went to see our seniors walk.

When the fireworks came, I was surrounded by the right people. "If you lie down on your back, the sound reverberates in your chest" "Oh! It's true" Kelsey responded. Will kept berating me for missing the fireworks - "Look T---! Look! Turn around!". After that we all danced.

In the morning, I watched Kelsey pack.
Now it's their turn to go.

Spiegel und Caesar

Friday I went down to Bard and stayed over at Amanda's place. Five of us went to dance in Spiegeltent which goes up every summer. There was a live band, about 10% high schoolers, and the rest was split between middle aged couples and Bard students, some recently graduated. We shared the dance floor well, though it took me a little bit of time to adjust back to recognizing so many faces of people who's names I don't know. (Today I saw a graduated Bard student on the platform with me; NYC shrunk a little).
The next morning Amanda and I made goat cheese and caramelized onion omelets with panfried toast.

Then I went back to Manhattan, changed, and rushed off to Brooklyn to see a Smith Street Stage play with Essie: Julius Caesar in Carroll Park. When the actors started running around yelling "Caesar is dead! Caesar is dead!" some of the kids standing by the playground stood around looking confused for a bit. Then they started speeding about like little daemons, proclaiming "dead! dead! dead!". A dog whined worriedly when Antony gave his impassioned speeches. Caesar and a couple others were played by women, the set was the park, the costumes were business suites. Essie and I watched the lightening bugs flicker.

черновик

I'm currently working on my first history essay. The rough draft (isn't черновик such a good word? I know it comes from черно but I always think of черви; worm-eaten version) that's due on Wednesday. I should also start studying for my first exam; child psych, on Thursday.

I have all that to do so of course I'm writing here. Alana and I and a friend of her's broke fast for Yom Kippur at Tastebudds. Adrienne came too. It  had been a while since I'd gotten off campus, except for  when I went to Redhook to go to the farmers market, only to find out it's on Saturdays, not Sundays.

Saturday I went to Tivoli to the street painting festival. They blocked off a street and used a paint-roller to make blocks of white and black, which were then drawn on with chalk pastels. I think what impressed me the most was the fact that all age groups came out. Little kids, pre-teens, teens, middle-aged and the those with more white in their hair. I tried to do work with Amanda and Lila at Murry's (mmm, food, simple grilled cheese and soup). After Amanda and I went back to her place, I had a headache and fell asleep on her bed for two hours. It rained soon after, and it was the full moon on Saturday.
When I was leaving from Tivoli, Amanda mourned the chalk drawing that were now becoming clouds of dust under the wheels of the trucks riding over them. "But imagine" I said "how pretty the rain first drops will be."

There was something going on at both Manor and Smog Saturday night, I barely stopped at either but many many other people did. Jeremy Gardner was right in his "How I Learned to Stop Hating and Love the Shuttle" article: the fact that the shuttle to Tivoli is less flexible has left Bard campus a more lively place. 

Really, I'm here.

I am back at Bard, the land of chain smokers, sprinkled in anorexic girls and boys with bouncy walks. 

Social Stuff: This Friday I went to Smog with Amanda and Sumedah. There were a ton of people, but I left after an hour, a little after 12. Seriously though, so many people, many freshmen, it doesn’t matter.

Thursday I came over to Hannah’s dorm and we had dinner, after I had gone to the club fair and danced with Lila to help recruit for the Bard Science Journal (which I just signed up for) (this is where I got my face painted last post-by the art collective). At some other points in time various other similar things have happened; nail-painting and looking at peoples rooms before and after they were decorated.  

The weekend before that I went back to suburban Boston to photograph a family friend’s bar mitzvah party. I talked to a freshman on the train there, stayed a night in NYC with another family that was going to the bar mitzvah and then stayed a night at home after the party, bringing back to Bard a small suitcase full of stuff I forgot the first time around (travel mug, my neuroscience textbook…) The same family drove me back to NYC, we had lunch and then I took the subway->rail->bus back to Bard. 

The weekend before that I went to Amanda/Lila/Hallie's house in Tivoli for dinner, and then we went to Liz’s birthday party in Redhook, and some other party after that which had already died by the time we got there, we stayed for one song, which happened to be one I like (Crystallized by the XX).

I also went to the budget defense forum where clubs vied for more funds. I hadn’t gone to one before. This is how it works; first there are the friendly amendments. Clubs come up on stage (this was set up outdoors) and ask for money, saying what their purpose is and how much they are hoping to get. Other clubs will donate: “5 dollars from the boffing club” “20 dollars from the Bard belly-dancers collective”  “5 pounds from the half-naked lunch club” (yes, these are all real).  My favorite one of these came for the Bard Moderator (a semi-annual sexuality and body politics magazine that has writing, art, and photographs): “Two years ago the Bike Co-op donated 200$ to the Moderator in exchange for an alley-cat naked bike photo shoot. This photo shoot never happened. We now donate 15$ to uphold that contract” After that go the hostile amendments where club heads attack other clubs, saying they have too much money, and that that money should go to them (this actually didn’t last very long). 

Oh! also at the very start of the year I went to the Amanda Palmer and Grand Theft Orchestra show. It was fun, they even sang a song I know from when she was the Dresden Dolls.

trying to get used to being around people so much. even when I'm alone at Kline, it's still filled with faces I recognize from just being at such a secluded school.

so far

The weekend isn't even over yet but already so much seems to have happened. Excuse me as I rant, as per usual.

Thursday there was a back and forth (walking to Shivi's dorm, dropping off Britt's car by Robbins, then speeding off to Clea's off campus...and then driving back to campus to take the shuttle to The Swan. probably the least efficient way of doing all this.) Clea and Britt started the year going there every Thursday so they were trying to start it up again.
This was my first time at The Swan, its small, dark, wooden, and lively, especially since it was a Thursday night, and there were a ton of people from campus. There was live music (Bard students) which was nice, and I bumped into Kalena and Page and co. because it was Kalena's 21st birthday.
We left pretty early, at 12:30 on the shuttle from Tiv.

Next morning...gym (first time this year because I'm lazy and still scared of that place), nap, hung out with Ari for a good portion of the day. We had dinner and then stopped by Farm Fest briefly (fundraising to make a farm program at Bard or have a farm or both or something) went to Blithewood and further down to the Hudson River. It was so warm and we stayed for a while, though we left once the mosquitoes started coming out and dropped by Spruce because Anna had made food (we just had apple cider) before we parted ways.
At which point Britt dressed me up in 70's attire and I went to a film shoot that...was set in the 70's.
I think we have to shoot again after break, I'm just in the background fake dancing and talking to people and trying to pretend that there is music on. Bell bottom jeans and a vintage shirt.
Went back to...The moderation show for studio arts, which made me feel better about next semester when I will be doing the same thing. There was some really amazing stuff, a lot of diversity in the work, and a lot of people went to see it.
then...Ruger (an old toaster) and tried to watch Heathers (yes, again) with Britt and Clea but on youtube so it kind of failed, and then went to the Farm Fest, were I just watched people dance crazy and live music and guys tying and retying their towels from being in the giant inflatable pool.

and I just spent a good chunk of time talking to Amanda: it was one of those really good intense conversations, where a lot is communicated, which is why I'm putting it down as an event.