interment studying

Things I like: when people give me food.I don't have to many food swipes or bard bucks left. enough to get through the next week, but...
the knock on the door last night was Will dropping off a head of garlic. After coming back from class today and found about 3/4 a baguette and an onion, I'm guessing either Adrienne or Will.

Prep party simultaneously with a water balloon fight.
Watched Beetlejuice with Megan and But I'm a Cheerleader with Britt and Shame with Amanda, Lia, Lila and Hallie. After we finished watching Shame, Lia drove me and Amanda to Smog in the golfcart, it felt like a safari ride, surreal. We left Smog after staring at if for a minute, but it was worth the experience of the ride. Been going to the clay studio occasionally, Sumedah and I have both made mugs there.

Shivi left. I didn't know it was going to be hard. I mean, I assumed it would be, but...
I had been working close to Old Robbins outside and Britt came back from brunch, crying. The brunch had been spontanouse and my phone had died and I hadn't been invited. And I was thinking about how I was responding, how calm I was. And then we went to Cindy's brunch birthday part at Luna 61. Which was nice, and Cindy really appreciated it, she gave me a really nice hug later that night. But at one point I realized I might not be able to say by to Shivi and I started crying and had to leave a couple times. I called Shivi and she said she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. We came back before she left. Or, more accurately, her aunt (with whom shes staying a day? or two? before going back to India) came and then left briefly because Shivi was still packing, and waiting for me.
I took a lot of her stuff that she was trying to get rid of, partially because I knew it would make her feel better if someone she knew took it. Disposable razors, about 50 of them, a shirt, a pan, moisturizing cream, that sort of thing.
India is so far away.

Tent Spring Fling

when Lila Amanda and I left, when half the people by the campus center where just standing, and half where under the tent still dancing, we went to smog but it was empty, and then to my room to unwind, and then I went to sleep.  It was about 2:30 but we were exhausted.

I died from the combination of sexiness and awkward boys peering across the crowd, some from the sidelines, some from the middle. Some hid by bumping up and down, cigarette raised in the air.

(side note: there the guys who where actually hot, and then there where the ones that came from behind to grind. unfortunately those were two different categories. it was still fun, the music not all dubstep for once, but stuff people could yell along to out of tune)

(side side note: I was also sober since I wanted to be able to get up easily today for emergency driving. sour breath is not something you can ignore while sober, but I danced from 11-1:30 or so, packed up against my friends, pulled and pushed by the ebb and fall of the dance, sometimes nearly falling. sweat and the sprays of water people sent from their bottles, never understood why.)

(work today and party proper tonight)

(also: just...the random group of guys making out, one of them was the more attractive of the (3? 4?) of them and they where all trying to get to him, which I thought was funny, especially since I recognized all of them. and just overall the ridiculous amount of people making out by the end, unsurprisingly. I felt good physically from dancing, but something in me felt that everything was rather futile by the time I left.)

I want Berlin

I am no longer going to the CCA Studio Berlin thing. It's just too expensive, and the payoff and worth of it is uncertain (they never did send me the syllabus, even though they said they would). There was the whole awkwardness of explaining the situation after I had already said 'I accept' and it was a fact, but is no longer. I am probably going to go to Berlin and take German and get the language requirement out of the way. I will go to clubs. I will draw in my free time. I will visit museums.  I will meet new people. I want structure. I want art. I want Berlin.

disjointed dream

I just dreamed that:

I was out on a lake with lily pads and Eloosha was rowing the boat, Yulka and some other people I don't remember pretty close by. The boat started to fill up with water and at first I tried scooping it out before I realized that the boat was bent in and I unbent it (clearly not made of wood) and there was a hippo there chasing us, and it could talk. It wasn't angry, but it was still huge and scary.
I saw Celia Bland and she said hi to me and I nearly didn't notice but managed to say hi back
Andrej and Stasic came here from Russia and were friends and tried talking to me but I was mechanical, aloof. They had already met up with Eloosha and Yulka by that point. I saw them at a cement bridge. I had not had a full conversation with either Eloosha or Andrej or Stasic, which made me upset, because I wanted those conversations.
There was magic in a castle and it was evil and wanted to kill us. Hannah hid with a baby fox she just found in a room that she locked the door with a spell. The room was high up and had large windows that looked out the the hippo lily pad pond, and the fox was getting restless, the room stuffy.
Rosette talked to Jeff because she was meeting with someone I knew in the dream, but she was afraid of getting killed by this person. There was a giant hill of grass and the train-track interaction in Waltham, the one by Brandeis. Rosette didn't talk to me but she didn't give me a painful smile either, which was a relief.
I was driving a car with Britt but then I realized I was about to go out on a highway that was in the wrong direction, and turned around right next to a police car. He stepped out and somehow at first I was really like...polite and then I got sassy and he was just exhausted and let me off.
I was talking to Papa about mouthwash, because he thought it might be causing my stomach problems. Yosef was there too.

Transition

Spring break is over, I led a very informal Passover Seder on Friday out of the book Бабушка gave me, and we had an enormous amount of food leftover afterwards.
at the end of break, Бабушка offered to set me up with a 'really nice' guy from the little hill in Israel were she lives. I guess she thinks I'm of marrying age.

I made lentil soup last night, and Adrienne had some with me, and then Amanda came over and we studied together for an exam we had today. I handed in my paper Monday, I finished the portrait of my grandmother on Saturday

I'll be halfway done with college in less than two months.

Before break I had a dream in which my body was disconnected. My ear was trying to crawl up onto my hand because all of my body was trying to get to the campsite where I was staying. It wasn't bleeding or anything. I think "I" was an eyeball, because I could see, but don't remember hearing or smelling or feeling much.

Cat Food

In the very beginning of break I went grocery shopping with my mom, and the experience in the pet food aisle was as exciting as it could be, really.

There was a middle aged man looking at sunflower seeds next to us. I was in the middle of the thought (in case anyone was wondering about what thoughts go randomly through my head, though in less complete words...)
"it's ironic that the sunflower seed farmers make sure that birds and rodents don't get their crop, but then it's sold so those same animals eat them"
when he asked how old our cat was. Mama had been staring at the cat food for a long time, trying to figure out which one to buy, where the kitten one was, why different cans say the same thing but are color coded differently (one was sliced, one was original.)
"Five moths" Mama answered, and he said
"Oh, he's a young one" both Mama and I expected advice about cat food or something
"I had a cat, he died last Christmas" he said, showing us a picture on his iphone.
"Oh, I'm sorry" I said
"He was 21"
"that's really old" I said with a sympathetic nod.
then he walked away.

then the guy who works at Hannaford suddenly stopped and said
"I didn't do it!"
"what?" I asked
"nothing" he said, his hands up in the air, the scanning machine raised like a forfeited gun
and then Mama and I moved onto the litter part of the isle
"I totally forgot they eat, why do cats need to eat at all?"
"wow, that's cold" said the guy who works at Hannaford
"no, I don't mean that about just cats. I mean that about people as well. It would be so convenient if we didn't have to eat or sleep.  That's the college student speaking in me"

we finally figured out everything to buy, and as I passed he made a gesture of 'please pass' with his hands, amused understanding look on his face. I nodded at him and went forth to do the rest of the shopping.

music medford mama money

dream for before I came home: I was being blackmailed by the Devil because he had my brother. The Devil and I were walking (flying?) inhumanly fast, but not because we were traversing distance, but rather because we were traveling through time.
(anxiety+homesickness+reading Master and Margarita (yes, I'm still reading it))


but now I'm home!


Sunday I went to my (ex-extra curricular art teacher's and friend's) son's and his teacher's singing concert, which was really good.
Monday morning I got up at 7am to go to jury duty in Medford, but nobody decided to exercise his/her right to a jury, so I just sat around reading the March New Yorker and doodling until 11.
Tuesday Mama and I had the entire theater to ourselves, we watched A Separation. And I made bread pudding out of rye bread because I'm trying to get rid of some of it for passover, plus bread pudding is yummy and one of our neighboring families liked it (Mama and I dropped by today)
Today I had a dentist appointment and found out I got into the Studio Berlin program! Now I have to start looking for money to finance the trip in earnest. Also our new neighbors began moving in.

There are two things I have to do for next week in terms of hw; one is write an essay, due Monday. The other is to draw a family member of a different age than me, due Thursday. I started drawing бабушка today, and I'm going to start the essay tomorrow. Right? John Clare and William Wordsworth, here I come.

Sima: you just said shit, that's a bad word
(I nearly died. He had given up on just telling me that what I said was a bad word and decided to point out which one was bad this time)