Sundowner 07/21

Jetlag into Europe from the US is always so much harder than on the way back. Yosef and I struggled to get up before noon, and then went to the Aldi across the street to grab yogurt, as well as the bag of muesli and box of tea mentioned in a previous post. I also accidentally bought fresh yeast thinking it was butter with honey in it. In my defense, it was yeast that was made with honey, so, I had read part of it correctly. And it was in the butter section. Misdirection via context clues.

We then made our way to the Old Masters Picture Gallery which frankly is a great museum. I noted many artists with whom I was not familiar to look up later and got postcards, which is my standard museum procedure while traveling. We then doubled back to a touristy stretch of restaurants and ate a decent meal at Wilma Wunder, though again with disappointing frothy milky drink. 

So I haven’t mentioned yet my impetus for traveling to Europe. It is this: my friend from college Bianca, with whom I have maintained a connection across the Atlantic for nine years, was getting married. Or having a ceremony: logistically they had to get married for her husband to enter Ireland where she had found a job. I actually have a post which gives me the last time I saw her before she went to get her Masters in London. Nine years! Crazy. This was later followed by a PhD in Cape Town, South Africa, where she met her now-husband. She has family in Germany ergo the German destination. I offered Yosef to make a sibling trip of it, since he was musing about travel already, and so he became my plus-one.

To start off the celebratory festivities they arranged for a Sundowner gathering by the river. Sundowner is the South African tradition of having drinks at sunset. It was also an opportunity to meet her husband for the first time before the actual wedding ceremony. I was the only person from our college to attend the wedding, and so everyone else there was a stranger to me. Yosef struck it up with an urban designer from Amsterdam, I chatted with an art teacher at a high-needs school in NYC. Then, just around the planned end time, it started to pour rain: one of the grooms’ friends from Cape Town lent me his sweater and Yosef and I trotted away to the Sbahn.

My mother told me the last post was too long but perhaps reflected the first day of long travel. Lucky for her I had already written this one out before she told me this and it turned out shorter! Hurrah! 

Plane, Ubahn, and Rail 07/20

One of my supervisors had mentioned a phenomenology exercise she was assigned while completing her degree: to describe coffee for a week without using the word coffee. The dark liquid on the flight from Chicago to Paris felt well captured by this quote for 1984: “It gave off a sickly, oily smell, as of Chinese rice-spirit. Winston poured out nearly a teacupful, nerved himself for a shock, and gulped it down like a dose of medicine.” 

On the flight, the woman next to me had some sort of therapy-level psychology degree, but was on her way to see her long-distance husband in...Algeria, maybe? I can't remember, a North African country? They had met through his brother who worked as a lawyer in the U.S., she had initially tried law school but dropped it. Her husband had a large farm and so she only did a bit of consulting now as he could support her fully, but I still struggled to understand what it would mean to study to be a therapist and then not want to be a therapist. For the better though, if that's not what she wants to do, that she doesn't do it. If I remembered her name I would look her up, but a month on and her name escapes me. 

I was pleased that though Yosef arrived earlier than me, he needed to go through customs, resulting in him only waiting for me for only half an hour before we met. I had already gone through customs at my layover in Paris, then gone to brush my teeth and reapply deodorant - a travel tip from my mother (our? does mentioning my brother necessitate using our mother here?) After that, in desperation, I had eaten sushi at the counter while I waited for the second flight. Sushi that came with sweet soy sauce packets, much to my dismay and bewilderment. When I did land in Berlin, I was glad to see my brother’s face, even though he snipped at me before we had even made it to the Ubahn, likely in response to me telling him what to do. Older-sister habit I am trying to kick. Yosef pointed out the cloth-towels at the airport restrooms, a seemingly endless single roll of reusable towel.

We made our way to Zimt and Zucker, a café recommended by my friend Bianca’s sister. I asked if we could sit outside since otherwise our suitcases would be in the way, but the hostess responded there are no more spaces outdoors, and that our suitcases will be in the way regardless. She seated us at the same table as a couple who arrived shortly before us and had ordered what seemed like chocolate with milk poured over it. They stirred it and it broke up the chocolate a bit but never really transformed into chocolate milk and they left without quite finishing it. Yosef got a Berliner Weisse, a drink I had almost forgotten existed: beer with sweet, flavored syrup mixed in. I drank a cappuccino and we both got crepes. The cappuccino was the first in a series of disappointing drinking experiences. It turns out the American way of defaulting to a double shot for a larger quantity of milk is not the standard elsewhere. A few frothy milky mistakes finally caused me to reconsider my drink order.

We sat around awhile after figuring out how to get to Dresden, using the 1euro bathrooms that take place of the free public restrooms we have in the US. We had meant to use Deutsche Bahn, which includes regional rail, but we were far too tired to navigate another transfer and ended up opting for a more expensive direct train. A Muslim woman asked me how to use one of the other ticketing machines and I gestured at our suitcases to explain that I don’t know my head to tail here. A large Russian-speaking family sat on the bench next to us. Finally, we got on the train and found seats, and Yosef and I took turns sleeping on the train as the countryside pulled past us. Our Airbnb was a short walk from the train stop and thus concluded a full day of travel.

Kefir and Muesli

I will later perhaps try and make sense of my abrupt return here.

Later, too, I will outline in greater detail the actual details of my trip, which spanned Dresden, Prague, and Berlin. 

But right now I am trying to grasp the things that I gained from my vacation: long walks, kefir in the morning, good meals out, art museums, my traveling companion (my brother, a month shy of 25, who requested we spend most of the time speaking Russian, which we did until we got to Berlin), writing, photography, seeing friends I hadn't seen in a decade or so, meeting strangers, coffee, beer, taking in the streets...hoping to hold onto these things and bring them home. 

Kefir was easy to arrange, the muesli slightly less easy but I was able to create an approximation of my own. The American cereal aisle is dessert for breakfast: from unabashedly candy-flavored, to sugar-coated raisins feigning a balanced start to the day. I was able to find something with flakes and granola to mix in with oats, flax, and hemp. Blackberries were more affordable this grocery trip than they usually are, and the nectarines were on sale. I don't think about the cost of fruit when traveling. Red and Black currant was in season and readily available in Europe. It is such a rarity in the US, especially since black current was illegal for almost a century and continues to be highly regulated as a crop. And so, I can recreate the breakfast Yosef and I had every day in Europe. We had carried a bag of muesli we got in Dresden to Prague and then back up to Berlin, eating exactly one bag between the two of us during the whole trip, and drinking through a box of English Breakfast tea. It is hotter in Chicago than it was in Europe, so here I have been brewing a large amount of chai and sticking it in the fridge for iced chai in the morning.

I realize, dear reader, this is a very literal way to try and capture a vacation to extend it into “regular” life. I do believe though, that some of our life is informed by the ways in which we follow day-to-day actions. And there may be something to be learned from observing what one does when plucked from those rhythms which we neglect to otherwise examine. Some of the ways in which we are in life will not be shaken when we travel, no matter what we hope, sure, but I found more affirmations than disappointments.

Many of the things I did differently were less ... self-indulgent? hedonistic? in nature, than one might expect. These terms have baggage – Protestant ethic morality versus Pagan debauchery comes to mind. But here in 2023: when tired at the end of a long week, I am more likely to fall into watching a show or YouTube endlessly, and sometimes believe that if given the opportunity to exist without responsibilities, this is the sad place I would find myself. And perhaps, sometimes, that is true. But not always. What I am thinking of is Pleasure Paradox/Hedonistic Treadmill. (My father texted me on the trip asking if these terms were mainstream – I said I don’t know, and that I am not a good measure of what is mainstream knowledge in psychology.) I was surprised how much I wanted to do things, even the things that are not the most direct path the pleasure. 

Yes of course some combination of vacation-magic and necessity meant eating out for most of our meals, and this is not something I want to or can do otherwise, though about half of these meals were very enjoyable. At the same time, it seems I found more energy to do the work of finding slower burning contentment, which has been evading me lately. I remember last time I was in Berlin I felt inspired to stop eating meat again - I had started eating it again at the end of my first year of college, feeling unable to push back on the chaotic selection at the college dining hall. But I felt inspired again in Berlin - found the energy to pursue this small bit of idealism after a year break. I continue this way still, eating meat about once a year, the rest of the time automatically defaulting to the way I have eaten since I was 14. Two of the most recent carnivorous instances in the past two years were on this vacation, in Prague, when I found myself sprung out of rhythms. I see a lot online about motivation versus discipline, but personally, life would be easier if I had a better practiced thoughtlessness. Good habits have always felt like the slipperiest of eels thrashing out of my grip.

My tomato plants which had started to carry green berries when I flew out are now holding ripe tomatoes. I made my first harvest on Friday, drizzled with balsamic vinegar and mixed in with burrata cheese which I shared with a studio friend before we went to a small gallery near me. Two small rooms, a stream of people going in and out, it was free. Art museums are harder to arrange at home. They are certainly one of the planned indulgences of travel. We bought three-day art tickets in Berlin, and saw art in every city. But at home, as large as the Art Institute in Chicago is - and it is, it is massive - I have many of the rooms memorized by now. Perhaps next time I will return with a sketchbook. Do a better job of tracking down smaller galleries – and so on.  

I read half of Erwin Mortiers Shutterspeed on my flight back, and finished it my first day home, with a slow realization that I must have already read it, possibly all the way through, when I purchased it - I think in 2015 on a trip to NYC. The graphics on the cover are perhaps, then, more memorable than the text itself. Regardless of my enjoyment of the novel, the act of reading was less laborious than it has been of late. 

I have walked at least four miles every day since returning to Chicago but want to learn to run - time saving relative to walking for a couple hours, some flexibility to do it in the morning before it gets too hot after the effects of my jetlag run out. Yesterday it was raining but I still went, after an apartment viewing fell through, to watch the waves of Lake Michigan crash into the rocks and cement steps that make up the lakeshore. I thought: if I take in Chicago as if it is a new city to me, or a city I love, perhaps living here will be easier. I am good at appreciating the alleyways, the graffiti, the light, but sometimes Chicago feels gray and desolate, its industrial roots mean occasional vacant stretches within the city itself, breaking up life. My experience here, too, is broken up by the plague, the often fleeting or superficial social connections of grad school, and my own personal upheavals. I am trying - started to before I left - to have a true Chicago summer. Everybody here says summer is the best time but I dread the sticky heat. It melts my brain and makes me sick. But I still endeavor to steal some of its spirit for myself; swimming in the lake, attending some of the dozens of farmers markets and festivals that spring up, and eating ice cream. Perhaps these are avenues to fall into conversations with strangers and see the city with new eyes. Bring a camera with me, write about it here. 

 Wish me luck.

Friend-Sourcing Information: Croatia

Matt and I are planning a trip to Croatia. I have two friends who have been:
Bianca, a college friend who is doing her PhD at the University of Cape Town, who's parents are German so she has an EU citizenship, and who doesn't drink at all. She's been to Croatia a couple of times, the trip I am drawing from was with her brother and sister. The other is my old flatmate Paras, who is living the post-NYU MBA life in NYC, and who has very different attitudes towards substances. He went with a friend. I only highlight their habits because the responses from these two has been a case study on how my friends can be different from one another, as well as alike. They actually overlapped a lot, which is helpful! Croatia is also fairly small, from Zagreb to Dubrovnik is a six hour drive. I'm putting both of their responses side by side, in some places they agree, in others seriously diverge. We are landing in the northern city of Zagreb on July 18th in the early evening and leaving August 1st from Dubrovnik, in the south. We'll be renting a car. Here also is the initial map I had drawn before speaking to them, for a sense of geography:

so the best part about Croatia is Slovenia, the neighboring country. Haha just kidding, but visit if you can. Lake Bled in Slovenia is this fairy tale lake surrounded by forest, where you can go swimming, and a boat will take you the center where there is this little castle on an little island. The only things it's missing are lake mermaids.

Thought: North and South Croatia are quite different. The north has more of a Hapsburg Empire feel and the south is more roman. Since you will fly out of Dubrovnik, you should head south rather than linger around the north at Opatija and Pula.

Zagreb
I don’t remember much except this is a much bigger, more typical European city. There are some nice pedestrian streets that I would recommend sticking to. I only spent an afternoon here, and it was enough.

Onwards: 4 hour drive from Zagreb – you could go via Plitvicka Lakes, which are nice to walk around – you’d want to spend a full day here. The roads getting here aren’t great, so it’s a bit slow going. The park is quite full during the summer seasons so be prepared to queue and fight your way through tourist groups. Otherwise, I think you can skip this if your time is limited and visit Krka Falls near Split instead.
Plitvice Lake is a must, they are gorgeous and a nice walk for a couple hours, and it's a national heritage site but you can sneak away from the crowds and swim if you put your mind to it.

Rovinj is a beautiful, pretty posh town on the west coast. we spent a night there and I would recommend it but don't go out of your way. 
The southern half of Croatia, until recently wasn't heavily visited by Americans. Historically the north has been a vacationing spot for Europeans (e.g. Germans). My reason for not going to Pula is because it is out of the way and is a lot like italy, but less to show for it. The south is more interesting history wise. History in terms of Roman to the Tito years. Plus you can do day trips to Mostar, Bosnia and Kotor, Montenegro if you go south. The south is less... developed... than the northern parts. And clearly has had less money, but is really really interesting. And beautiful.

Zadar: I wouldn’t recommend more than a day here, if at all. It’s pretty underwhelming, though they do have a nice sea organ. The old town is pedestrians only. However, I would highly recommend a day hike in National Park Paklenica, via the big canyon (Velika Paklenica) to Manita Pec (a cave approx. 1.5 hours max one way – you can visit the cave and can buy tickets at the cave, just double check when it closes since it is only open limited hours). You could keep following the trail along the river and get to Paklenica Hut and then take a trail from there back to the parking lot via the mountians. It’s nice, not too crowded and has great views. The river has a few swimming spots as well. If you’ve seen or heard of Winnetou (a German movie about the Wild West) you’ll doubly love the park since a lot of scenes were filmed here.

Onwards: 2 hour drive from Zadar: Recommend you take a half-day stop at Krka National Park – these are some terrific waterfalls you walk around and through via a wooden walk way before getting to the bottom of the falls. At the bottom of the falls you can go swimming. The city Sibenik is nearby and worth a visit as well since the medieval city is still intact. You can get lost exploring the old city and going through narrow passageways and stairwells. The small city of Trogir is up next – it’s a lot like Zadar and Sibenik except it still has a bit of visible ancient Roman buildings.

Split: I would recommend at 2-3 days here since it’s a good place to visit other places from. You could easily see historic Split in a morning, go to the beach in the afternoon, and do an excursion the second day. The city itself is really beautiful. I recommend staying near the historic centre, but make sure you double check your accommodation has parking – the streets are very narrow and tight and often can’t fit cars. Park Suma Marjan is a hill worth walking up to Vrh Marjana – Telegrin. If you want to go for a swim, head out to Beach Bene. It’s a rocky beach surrounded by pines, but much quieter than the other beaches near the harbour. Plus the walk there is really beautiful. I would recommend staying in Varos, or immediately to the west or east of the historic center. That way you can access everything by foot and the areas are nice to walk through. There’s a fresh food market at Zelena tržnica, near the waterfront at the east side of the old city – great if you like fruits, veggies and figs. If you want ice cream (or cake), I highly recommend Luka Ice Cream & Cakes. Walk through the city streets as much as you can –there are new places you’ll keep discovering –medieval, Roman, and modern. You should go up the Saint Domnius Bell Tower, if you aren’t afraid of heights. Be warned – it’s got a hollowed out middle and you ascend wooden steps that circle around a steep drop. 

From Split you can easily visit the islands – if you do want to go, I would spend a night on one of the islands because the ferry schedules are infrequent. I’ve heard good things about Vis and Hvar, but never been personally. Otherwise, if you really want to go to an island a very nice once seems to be Mljet, which you get to via ferry from Ston (on your way to Dubrovnik). Overall though, my reason for not visiting the islands was time and the fact that the islands were quite similar to mainland.
Hvar is another must, super sunny and active beach/party town, actually a large island off the coast. I remember great seafood restaurants, and also it's an over the top party town place, which you may not value but it's at least worth the spectacle. For one it draws absurdly rich travellers, like yachts everywhere, it was just a competition in over-compensation, like one yacht rolled up with a another yacht inside of it, and everyone was like woah, and then another yacht showed up ten times bigger which had like a yacht inside it and then also a helicopter parked on top. I remember my friend in a borat voice was like - small penis, but BIG boat!! nice! ok and then the coolest thing was club Carpe Diem. So at night there are two parts, they also have a little island called 'carpe diem beach' which they ferry you out too all night on a little speed boat, and it's like this magical music video, seems like there is very little staff and just like a DJ and dance floor but also adjoined to the ocean with I think a diving area, and good looking people are just getting naked and going swimming. I know you hate clubs, but if i were you I would just go anyway.

Onwards: 3 hour drive from Split if using the Toll road, otherwise 4 hours along the Route 8, coastal road (the old highway). There are several neat abandoned sites from Soviet days here, some hotels and a children’s hospital. I managed to get into Krvavica, a 1963 children's health resort. If you want to go, drive to Krvavica, park near the boat area and walk South along the beach a little bit. You won’t miss it. Dubrovnik + Trsteno: I recommend at least 3-4 days here – one day to tour the city and a couple of days to enjoy the surrounds. I highly recommend staying in Trsteno. It’s a short drive from Dubrovnik.

Dubrovnik which you can easily visit in a day – just head there early to find free or cheap parking on the city outskirts (around Lapad there is some) and walk into the city. (Parking in the city even if you find an airbnb there is annoying – almost everything is zoned for residents…). It’s gimmicky, but I really to recommend doing the city walls walk (approx 1 hr) – it gives you an amazing view of the city. The city itself you can easily explore by foot within a few hours. It’s also worth viewing the city from Fort Lovrijenac, nearby. (You don’t need to go in).
Dubrovnik. It's rampant now I hear because they filmed game of thrones there, but for good reason. Ancient sea side castle town, now an incredibly charming town with clubs and shopping etc. My friend and I were in different moods and split up that night, I went to some dance club, got smashed alone and danced all night, then walked around around sunrise and ran into some kids smoking a joint, and they invited me to join and hang out at some empty seaside restaurant. Very cool place, people there and especially in Slovenia were super nice and easy to hang out with.

Now onto the real gem – Trsteno. This is an oasis of calm and absolute beauty. I cannot recommend any place more highly. It’s simply amazing. Near the water there’s a really cool abandoned villa you can explore – if you decide to go upstairs, be careful not to walk in the middle of the rooms where the floors are caving in. Otherwise it is quite safe to go all the way up into the tower. There was a creepy rabid black cat the last time I was there, so if you see him walk away – he’s vicious. There’s an Arboretum in Trsteno you can get into for free if you stay in the town (since to access the village you would walk through it). This is really nice and you can walk through and find all the cool nooks and crannies. (Hot tip: Was a Game of Thrones film location, no one knows about).

oh hi

OH HI!
no  one will see this now that Google+ is dead.

Here's my update:
I AM MOVING TO CHICAGO
I will be attending The Chicago School of Professional Psychology for a PsyD
I went to Chicago three times and Philly twice since I started these interviews at the end of January. Last one was on April Fools day. I put down my deposit on the fifteenth of that same month.

my job is going through the end of JUNE - I am helping in looking for someone to fill my spot - I wounder if that means I can add hiring manager to my resume

I am taking online classes because I didn't have a prereq done for my grad program.
I have been having migraines and think cutting my hair will help.

I am going to Israel in July and then somewhere else. After some back and forth I should be getting my Israeli passport in the mail soon. The second leg of the trip will be with Matt but we haven't planned it yet.

I am coordinating with three girls regarding flatmate living in Chicago. They will all be attending a different psych graduate school which I decided was a worse fit for me, but I met one of the girls through the interview.

My youngest brother is a teenager. My grandmother here for her annual visit.

I will flesh out most of this later.

this is all for now

one microspike

I said I would come back to the ridge between 2018 and 2019, so here is the end of 2018:

the last Friday of 2018 I left work and went to South Station with my weighty backpack and a tube with a painting in it. Did you know that Portland, ME is only two hours away? I didn't, until Sorrel and Hannah started telling me I should meet them there. There's a bus that goes once an hour, which surprised me; 40$ for a round trip ticket, which is valid for a year. Of course I got there five minutes after the bus had left so I had to wait for the next one, but in due time, after watching a very strange animation about a speed-crazy snail, I found myself in Maine - which I insist is supposed to be no fewer than six hours away but somehow I got there in two.

Sorrel and Hannah met me there, bringing with them a much welcome dinner and hugs. We drove about an hour before getting to Sorrel's parents house: they have an interesting home, with a compost toilet and solar power and a wood-stove which heats the house. They were off the grid for years but recently hooked up to it and give their electricity into the system.

In the morning, we went to Portland and met Hannah's brother and poked around the little shops. Hannah left too soon with her brother to Belfast ME. Sorrel and I headed to a used bookshop (which is were I got the previously mentioned White Tiger).

We got home and made dinner and the next morning we got up and went for a walk up a little hill. Maine has snow, which I haven't seen much of this year. There was a dusting in Massachusetts this morning, but even when Papa and I climbed Mt. Monadnock the weekend before there wasn't much snow. Sorrel and I only had one set of microspikes between the two of us, so we each bore weight on one leg as we made our way up the icy slope. At the top, there was a view of some frozen lakes and mountains further out.

At the end of the day the four of us (Sorrel and I, and her parents) watched Dinner with Andre, which makes it the last movie I saw in 2018. The next morning Sorrels father showed me the starts of permaculture plots they had planned out around their land. Being there reminded me that I wanted a goat to get milk from. I imagine being a therapist with a goat and a vegetable patch. I guess I don't have a very good imagination, because mostly I imagine the goat and the vegetable plot in my parent's backyard. Mama had a boy goat named Pashka when she was little, and he's in some of the family photos.

Eventually it was time to go back home and Sorrel drove me back to the Portland station. On the bus I read I Talk Pretty One Day (which I finished later without feeling any accomplishment, and feeling confused as to why Sidaris is so well known). At some point on the bus I got a text form Veta with my Secret Santa; Eloosha, and I started to think of what to give him that I could assemble in the few hours I'd be home, which now leads us to the part of 2018 which is practically 2019 - for next time.

half eaten books

I met the new year surrounded by old friends, having ended 2018 surrounded by slightly less old college friends. But perhaps more on that later: the new year is often a time to reflect. In my case, I am reflecting on the books I have started in my life but not finished. From the bottom:

First: I don't think I will finish this book. Prisoner's of Love has been treacherous, I just can't get into it. I give up. I do.
2nd: The Geographer Drank His Globe Away does not have the same ring to it in English as it does in Russian. My mother gave me this book; I am #blessed with a mother who's book recommendations tend to fall in line with my literary tastes, I guess this is no accident (side note: that is my least favorite hashtag that I see all the time). So I know I should give it another try, in spite of my borderline illiteracy in Russian (I'm exaggerating but still)
3rd: Has anyone ever actually finished this book? Not only is Infinite Jest difficult to carry around, it is also the most depressing thing I have ever read. In some ways like the Bell Jar but longer, without the southern romanticism of The Sound and The Fury to take the edge off, or the Irish romanticism and nationalism of Joyce's Ulysses (see, those books I somehow managed to read!) Because reading it is so mundane, and is lasts forever. Absurd as well, sure, but mostly it feels like waiting in line for your groceries behind someone talking about tennis. We'll see. Not a priority.
4th: The White Tiger is a book I picked up while in Maine at a second hand book shop with Sorrel. It is the first book I ever didn't finish, senior year of high school, because it was a school book and I didn't finish it in time before graduating. Not only do I want to finish it because it has stuck in my head all of these years, and I hold a true curiosity of how it ends, but also perhaps finishing it will allow me to stop this pattern of not finishing books. Except for that bottom one. Nope.
5th: Notes from the Underground. It's really good, the bit of it I have read I've truly enjoyed - though being a classic I guess this is a given. Plus Matt was asking me about it a month or so ago, so I'll have someone to discuss it with once I'm done in addition to my parents. Bonus.

I also have A Young Doctor's Notebook and Twelve Chairs on my list for Russian ones, and Howards End (EM Forster) in English.

any other good reads I should get to this year?